they need to just BURY HIM!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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