I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
