She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
