One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
