i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
