i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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