YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
