apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
