I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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