I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
