Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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