dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
