i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
