we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he fucked my hip out of place.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
