oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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