I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
