ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
