The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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