just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
