somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
