i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
