i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
