So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
