your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
