I think my fart just growled at me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
