I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
