It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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