Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
