...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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