just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know her cup size but not her name....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
