She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He kissed a someone with a penis
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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