As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
