he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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