he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
