Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
