Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I believe in your delicious
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
