Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
