He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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