I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
