I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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