She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
