please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
