omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't turn off my feet"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh god it's open bar.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
