you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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