2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i drank out of a bidet.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
