My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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