Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
