ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
