Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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