It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
